Conker's Bad Fur Week: The Tediz's revenge
by deadmanstalkin
Summary: A tale of Conker and Rodent, sent behind enemie lines for the second time...
1. Default Chapter

The Tediz Revenge  
  
  
  
The tediz island had long been destroyed, but the tediz were not stupid enough to place them selves on one, small obvious island, they had many other, underground armys desperate for revenge against Conker the squirrel and those grey squirrel Bastards, their new plan was simple, destroy of squirrel life on the very planet.   
"Commander" (Please note I am not going through the trouble of translating every word they say) said one of the lined up soldiers, "The new Tediz canon is set up!" The commander smiled Wickidley, "Very good soldier, I should promote you!"   
"Bu..but commander...he was just the messanger!" The Commander stared at the dissagreeing Tediz who started to Back off, "I like good news, hate bad news, but i really cant stand stuttering!" The Soldier was truly terrified, "Bu..Bu...But!" Before the soldier could finish that sentance, his body was sliced in half by a chainsaw, "But sir, let me continue" The Commander sighed with relife, he'd had a stressful day after all, with the recent bombing of the experiment by that bastard conker and rodent, "there was one small problem" The commander clicked, "Dont tell me... RODENT!" The commander put his hands over his head in despear, that squirrel would be sure to report back to the miltary if they were to start war anew. "Shit!" Groaned the Commander "Lets kill that short freak first, then that will stop those bastards form getting more of those suits!" The Tediz nodded, and the messenger headed back to his position, "Hold it you!" Declared the Commander Smiling, "I thought i told you i hated bad news!" Nothing was ever heard from the messenger again, apart from the occasionel rumor by the Tediz docters...  



	2. The call of fate...

Chapter 2: The call of fate   
  
  
Conker was sat up in the throne as usual, drinking milk. "Not a day goes by where I don't regret the day I had too much…" Mourned Conker, swirling his milk and watching it spin, it had been exactly one year since his bad fur day, and he could still hear the bullets fly from that weasel's machine gun. "I swear Weasel! Next time I see you it will be your last day on earth!" Conker really meant this, as he had the finest weasel soldiers after him.  
Conker calmed down, he looked around, and all of his so called friends had left, except for Rodent, he really thought Rodent was an idiot. "Why cant he get sent to a war somewhere… maybe that would get him away from me" Conker smirked, he laughed at the idea of Rodent being locked up in a prison.  
"Sire, the phone." Said the tall weasel interrupting Conker's daydream "who is it?" Asked Conker with a sigh, he'd been getting to many phone calls recently, he was thought of as a great king, since all squirrels tended to be of a lighter nature then the other kings. "Sire its from the grey squirrels military, they want to talk to you and Rodent." Conker's eyes widened. "Oh no! Last time I went there I almost died!" Conker went into a flashback of his encounter with the experiment, one of his most ruthless opponents ever, he could clearly remember the sinister laughter erupting from her mouth as she hit the button. "But sire, there not interested in sending you to a war, they said something about a medal." Conker laughed "Oh… Well is that so!" Replied Conker happily, as he jumped off his chair, "yup, it's about time I got a medal for saving the world…" Rodent interrupted, "But Conker there's no money involved, but I guess that's not important to you anymore" Conker Agreed as he hastily picked up the phone, "hello?" He asked, "hi there conker! We would like to congratulate you on your new position as king of all the land and… err what was I gonna say… Oh **** that Shit!" Conker nodded his head impatiently "yeah yeah, get to the point!"  
"Oh yeah, get down to the base now! We've got a present for you and your partner, Rodent!" Conker called for Rodent "hey Rodent! Let's go down to the military base now! We gonna get that reward we've been waiting for!"   
"Oh yeah! I've always wanted a meddle" And with that, they headed for the military base, little knowing that this would make their last adventure look easy…   



	3. IT'S WAR! (Again)

Chapter 3:I'TS WAR! (Again)  
  
Conker and rodent arrived at the base, they could see that it was much bigger then the last time they saw it. The two cannons on either side had doubled and there were a vast amount of turrets and missile launchers surrounding the perimeter of the base. There was also many doorways leading into bunkers.  
"Hey Conker! There they are!" Said Rodent pointing to the sergeant and his troops, "Well what are we waiting for?" Let's go!" Rodent ran up into the line and Conker joined him. "All of the squirrels that are here have demonstrated extreme bravery and skill, and two have evan took on a whole army!" Conker and Rodent concluded that that was them. One at a time, the squirrels stepped up to receive their prize, Eventually it was Conker's turn. "As the only red squirrel to fight and and survive this war, it is an honour to grant you the use of this medal." Conker pinned himself with it. As soon as he pinned it down, a deafening blast was heard from one of the bunkers. "What the **** was that!?" Yelled the sergeant.  
Conker and rodent were sent down to the bunker to find out what had happened, when they approached the source of the blast, they found several Tediz wreaking havoc with the squirrel soldiers. "What are we gonna do Conker? Were not equipped!" Warned Rodent. "That problem is already solved!" Replied Conker grabbing a pair of uzis from a dead soldier's grasp. Conker and Rodent ran down the corridors blasting any Tediz they saw (of course Rodent was not equipped, but he was the shield) Eventually all the tediz were destroyed. "Ha! That was pathetic! That should teach them not to mess with this squirrel!" Conker put his guns away.  
"I guess that was the Tediz last assault!" Announced one of the squirrel soldiers. "They really shouldn't have bothered!" Replied the other "Hey Conker, Rodent, it looks like you'll be getting some more medals!" Laughed a third, but that piece was short lived, as before they finished, many more, bigger explosions hit the base, "Its coming form underneath the base! That's how there getting in! We gotta clear 'em out!" Conker and Rodent headed off to the nearest blast, there, no less then twenty Tediz lined up were hitting off more soldiers with their assault riffles, and stabbing them with the bayonets. "I'll kill you, you mother ****ers!" Screamed a soldier as he ran in, firing away. The Tediz easily dispatched of him. "There is the squirrels we're after, we must destroy them!" As one of the Tediz said that, the other immediately interrupted, "No! We must capture the one called Rodent and kill the rest!" And with that an argument started, should they kill all squirrel life, or capture rodent before-hand and learn how to make a copy of it to aid them in their mission, needless to say, Conker wasn't going to find out what would happen and started firing at them. They dint realise what happened until they were dead. "That's those guys sorted out" declared Conker triumphantly. "Now it's time to report back!" They ran down the base, blasting another Tediz in the head.  
The sergeant was extremely worried when Conker and Rodent arrived, "whats up?" Asked Conker, "Those bastards have taken over the base, their gonna kill each and every one of those fine young men until they find you guys!" Rodent stepped up, to ask a question, "W… Why do want me as well as Conker?"  
"Well their first priority is to get your suit, and punish you, but that doesn't matter, we gotta kill them, even if we do accept their orders, they'll kill us anyways and…" But before he could finish, Conker interrupted, "but why are we letting them push us around? They must be small in their numbers after the last defeat!" The sergeant sighed and shook his head, "that's what they would like you to think! Those ****ing bastards have 10 more Islands scattered around. Each one is just as big as the one you cleared out!" Rodent stepped up again, "But that wont be a problem for Conker, will it?" Conker's eyes grew, "WHAT!?" Conker gasped in disbelief, Rodent thought that that last assault on the Tedizs was easy?   
"Okay, what do you want us to do?" Sighed Conker, to this the sergeant nodded and replied "your fine young men, to accept this mission!" The sergeant pulled out a blue print and laid it on a table, "here is a map of the base! As you can see, there are no less then four separate bunkers situated around the base, you have to clear them all out! You have cleared one out already, that leaves three…" Just as he said that he was interrupted by a team of squirrels running out of the second bunker and one threw a grenade in, the grenade exploded, and green stuffing poured out of the concealed door. "Right now where were, oh yeah! You have cleared one out already, that leaves two."  
The sergeant removed the blueprint and continued, "Then I want you to locate the nearest hole used by those bastards and get through, to the base they came out of! Then you will have to destroy the base, be warned however, there may be some small differences in the bases, such as a different priority, so weaknesses you may find in one base, may be strengths of the next!" The sergeant pulled out a map, there were 11 islands marked in red, surrounding a base marked in blue. "As you can see, we are the blue, they are the red, we are heavily out numbered, After clearing out one island, you must press a button on this tracer and we will come for you!" The sergeant stopped to hand out a tracer to Conker and Rodent, "then you will be transported to the next island and must clear it out, then press the button on this tracer and… **** that shit! Just clear out the ten islands and report back!"   
Conker suddenly remembered something on his bad fur day, "hey even the professor said that I cleared out all the tediz, how is there more?"   
"Oh yeah, that's the next mission, there's a factory that mass produces more of those bastards when they are low in number, form the pictures we seen by a spy, we have noticed it is heavily guarded. Any attempt to destroy this first would attract the attention of all 10 islands, ruining the chance of a surprise attack. It seams that the islands only have communication with this factory and nothing else, I guess they think we will be attacking the factory first. Also the location is a mystery to this day, as the spy was killed before he got a chance to relay the co ordinants to us. Okay men get those bastards outta our base!   



	4. Defensive actions

Chapter 4: defensive action  
  
Conker ran with rodent for the nearest Bunker that wasn't cleared out, there was a lot more Tediz in this one, so Conker decided not to start a massive fight like last time and play it safe. He shot one of the Tediz in the back of the head killing them instantly. Ten more Tediz came out, so Conker hid in a near by room and sent Rodent out as a distraction, Rodent easily survived the hail of gunfire and this allowed Conker time to pick them off, one by one. Finally they were all killed, and Conker started to move around the base.   
"H…H…Help me!" The voice seemed to echo down the path, Conker investigated cautiously, as it might have been a trap, but Conker decided that the squirrel would have warned him. He ran to the injured soldier and found a small dagger forced into his left leg, there was blood dripping from it. "Hold on, I'll get it out." Said Conker, "wait… There's a bomb… over there, you've gotta disarm it, or this base is gonna blow sky high!" Conker looked over to where the squirrel pointed, there was twenty seconds left, "Which wire will disarm it?" Yelled Rodent "The R…" Before he could finish he was shot in the head by A group of Tediz, "quick! Disarm the bomb!" Yelled Conker. "But I don't know which wire!" The countdown was at ten, Conker shot down one of the Tediz, "I think he said the red!" Rodent carefully put his hand up to the wire, "are you sure Conker?" The counter was at five, Conker was busy killing the Tediz that were constantly coming from both corridors "Yes!!!" The counter was at two seconds, "Just do it!!!" Rodent closed his eyes and pulled the wire, the timer went down to zero, "What? I did it!" Conker just killed the last of the Tediz, "Whew, good job rodent, although I would of preferred it if you were a little quicker!" Gasped Conker relived at Rodents success. "Looks like we've cleared this bunker out! Let's go to the next!" Panted Conker.  
They arrived at the next bunker, Rodent looked down, "Looks like they haven't got to this area yet Conker!" Said Rodent looking around, "let's tell the squirrels to evacuate, and then go in later!" Conker nodded, "that's a good idea Rodent." They patrolled the whole area, informing each squirrel of the arrival of the Tediz, they all ran for the exit, Rodent looked at the entrance, suddenly he heard a noise, "Hey, someone just through a bomb down there Conker!" Conker quickly realised that they could be attacking any second now and told everyone what to do, "Throw a grenade down there when I say!" He waited, The troops got a grenade out of their pocket. An explosion erupted from the base, "now!" Yelled Conker, and from that word, twenty grenades were thrown into the bunker.  
Meanwhile, the Tediz had just crawled out of the new "entrance" to the base. "Looks like theres no-one here!" Laughed one of them, "Yeah, lets just activate the bomb and get out of here, agreed another. But before anything could be done, they heard a noise, "What is that?" Asked one of the Tediz confused, "I don't know," the other shrugged, the noise turned out be twenty grenades "Those ****ing shit-faced bastards!" Groaned the leader of the assault. "Oh Shhh…" They moaned simultaneously.   
Conker and Rodent ran to the sergeant, "well done boys, but it looks as though the Tediz are mighty pissed…" He pointed to a sonar, and roughly twenty subs were on their way to the base. "Right, lads, I want you to destroy every one of these subs, before you can continue the mission! Conker, Rodent, you're can control the missile launchers, the rest can operate the turrets! Move out!" Conker and Rodent ran to their designated positions. Conker and Rodent shot down two of the approaching subs, that were making their way into the base, and continued their good work, but the turret users were busy with the unannounced arrival of air born Tediz on parachutes. "Oh no" yelled Conker, as his appearance had just been acknowledged by the subs, which resulted in a missile heading in his direction, Don't worry," Replied one of the squirrels, (they were linked by a small mouth piece) "I've got you covered!" Conker was saved by the turrets gunfire destroying the missile. "Thanks!" Yelled Conker, taking out the last few subs, "now I'll return the favour," and with that, he aimed the missile launcher at the carriers dropping the Tediz The base had finaly been saved! Conker jumped down and headed for the next mission…  



	5. 

Chapter 5: Not so simple  
  
Conker went into the nearest bunker, and stopped for a check up, "okay guys, the next mission will be pretty simple," Rodent walked up to Conker, "How about we get equipped before we head off?" Rodent was right, Conker's uzis had just ran out, he decided to agree with Rodent and get some guns. The group waited for what seemed hours for Conker to come; finally he came, dragging a box on a cart, "Ugh, this is heavy!" He grunted as he pulled the cart over to the soldiers. "Right, now dig in!" Most of the soldiers choose the uzis or sniper rifle, but couples choose the katana or flame-thrower for good close combat. Conker picked himself a katana and a pair of Uzis, and Rodent picked the good old magnum.  
"Right soldiers! Let's rumble!" They marched down the bunker, and before he knew it, Conker had unintentionally become the new captain. While marching they saw the ground shake slightly, "w…What's that Conker?" Just as Rodent managed to release that sentence, the ground below them was destroyed; a Tank was all that replaced it. The Tank had a huge drill in the centre and a small turret on top. It attempted to crush Rodent into the wall (as they were now realising he couldn't be destroyed by gunfire or explosives), but just before it hit, a soldier jumped in of Rodent. What followed almost made Rodent vomit, the drill pierced through the soldier's skin, and rotated thorough, tearing through more of his torso as he was driven further up the drill. Eventually, he was forced into a small part behind the drill clogging it up, the Tediz were needless to say, mighty pissed. "Right that's it, those bastards are going to get it!" the captain growled "Yes it's about time we got serious!" The other said, only to be slapped by the captain, "Are you stupid, that was our best attack, And now our drills been clogged up! Were gonna have to run them over!" So the tan burst back into life. The squirrels did the only sane thing, run. "Conker, wait!" Yelled Rodent "What are we gonna do?" Conker thought about this and gave a simple reply, "RUN!" But poor Rodent was getting out of breath, and the tank was catching up, "He he! Squirrel pancake coming up" Laughed the Tediz. But they were in for a shock, as they realised that suit really was indestructible, "**** it lets just go for the others." So Rodent was forgotten and the tank came after Conker, rapidly firing shells at him, "Quick Conker" Yelled one of the soldiers, running for the hole where the tank came from run! Conker saw all the others (except Rodent) jump into the hole. Conker and Rodent realise they would have to fight it, so Conker got the uzis and started to fire at the tracks of the Tank. Rodent joined in with the Magnum, eventually the tracks were destroyed, and the tank was halted. "Oh ****" Groaned the Captain, "Hurry and repair it!" The other Tediz did just that. "Repairing…0%" Conker and Rodent were shocked, "Let's run for it!" Conker cried as turned and legged it. The tank repaired itself and didn't give up chase. Rodent started running for his dear life and jumped down the hole, Conker was quick to jump in, since he valued his life. However his jump was too late and found himself tripping over an upturned piece of flooring, and crashing on the floor. Conker struggled up and Ran for his dear life, but the Tank, came crashing down, and had Conker in it's target. The others found another tank, next to two Tediz, and were quick to eliminate them, the Tank was bigger then the chasing one, and had a mini gun on the top, which had the user outside the actual tank on a chair. Rodent just made it to a tank. "Conker, quick!" Yelled Rodent as he hopped into the tank. Slow-motion_scene Conker ran faster then he did in his life and jumped for the tank he fell perfectly into the entrance. /slow-motion_scene A squirrel jumped into minigun chair, and unleashed the whole round onto the tank, which slowed down and exploded, while Conker and co., rove off, through the tunnel.   



	6. 

Chapter 6: The forever tunnel  
  
Conker was now in control of the Tank. It was quite fast for a Tank, but that isn't saying much. They were making great time, only stopping to destroy the occasional tank on the way, but they didn't realise that the Tediz weren't to skilled in the arts of tunnel building, and we all know what will happen with a poorly constructed tunnel under the sea will do.  
Anyway, the Tank was stopped in its tracks by a laser barrier, so driving through was declared out of the option. "Conker! They're going to check us!" Rodent was right; this laser barrier was constructed just for the cause that Conker and his group had. "Not to worry, I have a plan!" Rodent smiled "What a great guy…" He said quietly to himself.  
Conker always seemed to come out on top of these situations, that's why Rodent admired him so much, unfortunately, Conker felt the opposite towards him, as Rodent was more of a chore then a help. But even Conker himself would admit that it was a foolish mistake not to bring Rodent on a mission, he had good advice and excelled as defence for Conker, and he knew a lot about the enemy. Overall, Conker and Rodent have saved each other's lives many a time.  
The Tediz gathered up on the Tank to check it. "Please show yourselves" Demanded the officer; The hatch opened, Conker jumped out (In a leather suit of course), and grabbed his guns in mid-air. He fired in all directions, and landed on the floor (I know this is 100% BS in the game but it's my fan-fic so there). All of the Tediz checking the Tank were dead, but two more came, Conker put his guns away and withdrew his katana, leaped over them, then did a spin-slash, slicing both heads clean off. Four Tanks showed up due to all the commotion. They aimed at Conker but he somersaulted out of the line of fire. He landed on the closest Tank, and opened the hatch, The Tediz Driver came out, confused as Conker impaled his head upon the kitana, He looked at the tank, long enough for it to take aim at him. Conker jumped into the air and pulled the kitana back (complete with Tediz kebab) and swung it hard and accurate enough to get the Tediz off the sword into the tank turret, just as it fired, destroying the Tediz, and the tank Conker was on. He held the sword with both hands and held it above his head, as he was about to land he thrusted it down through the hatch, hitting the Tediz underneath. He pulled the sword through the fresh hole and jumped between the final two tanks, both aimed for him and fired, and Conker jumped at the last second, and both ended up firing each other. (There you go the biggest load of Bullshit known to man. I really wanted neo Conker to star in this story, so he went neo Conker just to even the odds. (I'm also guessing that neo Conker was really that powerful.) And for those wondering where he got that suit, he kept it since his bad fur day and slipped into it before the inspection. Oops look at the time! Back to the story).  
Conker put his shades away, and returned to a very surprised gang of grey squirrels. "Whoa Conker! How'd you get so powerful!?" Asked Rodent, speaking for the group. "Yeah, we can really count on you Conker!" Cheered the squirrels. Conker took the rest of his leather gear off and went in the tank. They continued on. Suddenly, A crack on the top of the tunnel a mile or so back, turned into a very big crack, which resulted in the water on top smashing through the tunnel and giving chase.  
Meanwhile, the tank was trundling along firing at Tediz along the way, going at a slow speed to enjoy the ride, unaware the dangers that were not far behind. "Hey Conker… can you here something?" Conker stopped the tank. "Oh No." Sighed Conker, and with that the tank dramatically increased in speed. The water caught up fast, and ended up submerging the tank. The water was leaking in quite fast as he water pushed them along, eventually coming to a halt "Conker… we've stopped…" Rodent splurted out, to most of the squirrels the water was neck high, but to Rodent it was way higher. "OK guys, we need to make an exit! Me and another soldier will grab Rodent! He won't make it without us!" A squirrel raised his hand. "OK the rest of you, just worry about yourselves. OK? I'm not risking my life going after you all, and you shouldn't either." Conker grabbed rodent and so did the other squirrel. He opened the hatch and they jumped out Conker and the other two were swimming along, seeing the violent deaths of his comrades. "Not again" Conker thought as he swam up the slope.Finalt He arrived in an underground Cavern, With only Conker, Rodent and the other squirrel left.   



	7. 

Chapter 7: Abandoned Fort.  
  
There seemed to be no out form the cavern, the Tediz obviously came from here. But there seemed to be no possible way to get through the cavern. Conker walked up to a strange sign, "the abandoned Fort" Conker shrugged, "I guess the Tediz are dead..."  
"Bloody Tediz, miserable Bastard..." Grumbled an all too familiar voice. "Is that who I think it is?" Asked Conker to himself. "Oh no it's that bloody squirrel, brought some of your squirrel friends around?" Grumbled Gregg. "Err... yeah. Anyway, do you know anything about the Tediz?" Were on an island that's supposedly populated with them. "Tediz? They're almost as bad as those bloody cats! They've just kicked me out of my vacation! Do you know how hard it is to get time off in my career!?" Conker backed off, "There up that fortress... They found this cavern under the base!" Conker nodded, "Yeah but we..." Gregg started to shout, "What more is there to know? Just take your squirrel buddies and go up the fort! Stupid pricks..." As he muttered that last sentence he walked off. "Hey! Wait a minute!" Shouted Conker angrily. "Conker, where's Rodent?" Asked the other squirrel (If he makes it trough this chapter, he's getting a name). "Oh No!" Groaned Conker. "He must have wondered off!" Conker thought about it, and eventually decided it would be for the best to forget about Rodent for now and get going. They walked up to the fort.  
"Stop!" Yelled a couple of Tediz, "take aim!" The Tediz drew their weapons, "F..." Before the Tediz could finish, Conker unloaded the uzis on to him. The other Tediz were confused, "Did he say fire?" Asked one "No, F... isn't a word..." Replied the other, "maybe we should attack them?" The other one shook his head. "No, we're only allowed to fire on command." The other looked Confused, "why? Wouldn't it be easier if we could just jump out and fire?!" The argument continued for a while, but Conker and the squirrel were long gone.  
They entered the fortress. It was abandoned by all except the occasional spider, and was abused by many Cobwebs. There seemed to be no Tediz population at all in the fort, just the occasional rotting corpse littered around the staircase. "I'm guessing that we want to go up here."  
"Yeah pretty big!" Replied the Squirrel. Fast_forward_boring_bit Conker sat on the top of the stairs, trying to catch his breath, it had being a long, Dangerous climb. But he shortly continued. Shortly after, he got up and headed for the door.  
"Conker! Help!" A zombie had leaped onto the squirrel, and started to bite him. Conker shook the zombie of his neck. They hurried to the door, and opened it. They saw the beach, but did not have time to admire, it. A missile flew into them, "Get out of the way!" Conker yelled as a missile approached them... They jumped at the last second, and the zombie was destroyed.   
"What more are coming Conker!" cried the squirrel. And there were a lot more, coming from the stairs. It seemed hopeless, If they went through the door, they would be destroyed by the gunfire. If they went back, they would be eaten by the zombies. "Hey you," Conker asked the squirrel. "Throw a grenade down there... NOW!!!" The squirrel did just that and an explosion echoed through the fort. "The Forts collapsing! Get out!" Cried Conker as he ran through the door. The Tediz, seeing this assumed Conker was caught in the blast. Little knowing that he and the squirrel used the cloud of smoke that erupted from the door (Due to the explosion) as a cover.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
What should I name the acorn? I'm thinking of Acorn but their maybe better Ideas...  



	8. 

Chapter 8: The Imprisonment  
  
Conker and Acorn(?) Were on the beach, hugging a wall to avoid detection. The entrance was at the other side of the Beach, and to get there, they would be in the open for the final stretch, not to mention the Tediz marching up and down the covered areas. " Looks hard, we better not get caught standing out in the open... I don't like the look of that turret!" Acorn Agreed. "Hey, haven't you got a sniper rifle?" Asked Conker, he saw some squirrels grab a sniper rifle, he hoped that one of them was Acorn (He didn't know his name yet btw). "Yeah, why?" Asked Acorn, "oh wait I get it now!" Acorn pulled the sniper rifle with a grin, which rapidly spread across his mouth,  
Meanwhile a Tediz was marching along the beach, he suddenly noticed a bright green line appear out of nowhere. He cautiously moved his hand into it, thinking it was a laser wire, but nothing happened, the beam seamed to move around , occasionally moving into the direction of his head. "What is this?" The Tediz asked himself as he only had experience with a red targeting for sniper rifles. He turned around and stepped out of the way, realising that it was coming over from the East, he grabbed a pair of Binoculars, "Oh Shh..." The Tediz groaned putting the Binoculars down. Just as he did that, a bullet whizzed through his head, blowing it in to chunks.  
Conker and Acorn cheered, but continued sniping, at the other side of the beach, one by one the Tediz were dying violent deaths. Conker eventually decided that killing anymore would force them to blow their cover... So Conker told Acorn to run. They ran through the beach, but it was not long before they were spotted by the gun turret. The turret locked on to Conker and released unloaded a round on him, it barely missed, and gave Conker chance to Get to the Bunker, and he gave it all he got, and jumped past to guards, unfortunately for them, the turret was too busy tracking Conker. Both were ripped to shreds by the gun fire. Conker and Acorn ran up to the door, trying to rip off the lock, "Step back!" Conker yelled, pulling his uzis out and unloading it on the lock. The lock fell off, and the door fell back. "Let's go Conker!" Yelled Acorn, the gun fire was just about to hit them but the dived into the Bunker. The turret hit the floor below Conker, but the Tediz operating the turret was pulling it too far back, and the turret quickly malfunctioned, and it was not long before the Turret was pointed vertically, and that was too much for the Tediz, and he was knocked off. The turret was highly unstable, and the weight of it was too much for the stand to handle, it snapped, and the turret fell and crushed the knocked down Tediz.  
Meanwhile, a knocked out Rodent, was hung up in chains. He looked around, the Mob Boss and two Tediz, were talking, "Here is your reward for capturing the squirrel" The Weasel, grabbed the money, "Why thank you very much." The weasel looked over at the squirrel, "But why do you want him? Or Maybe you want me to do this with every squirrel!" The Boss laughed, but that laugh was vanquished by a sinister growl from one of the Tediz "How dare you abuse our plan!" They yelled. "It's OK, I was just joking!" The boss replied. The Tediz calmed down, it was easy to get them angry, and they were very deadly when they were in this state. "We want the squirrel called Conker..." The boss's eyes widened "Hey he's the wise guy who made life very, how shall I say, difficult for me!" The Tediz nodded, "His friend is this guy here!" The Tediz stops talking to point at Rodent, "He is sure to come after this squirrel, we are prepared for him greatly!" The boss nods "That is, might I add, an exceptional idea!" The boss left, and the Tediz looked at the newly awakened Rodent, "It will not be long until we discover the secret of your suit!" Rodent gulped.  
Back at the base, Conker walked into a room, there were prison chambers on each side, hundreds of squirrel prisoners where moaning and rattling the cell bars. "Hey Conker, someone's coming!" Acorn warned, as, a Warden came past. They hid behind a pillar. The Tediz Warden looked around at the shrieks and cries coming from each of the prisoners and shouted. "Be quiet!" Then the Warden took an assault rifle and aimed it atone of the children that was crying. The child was hit twice in the stomach, killing him. The mother of the child held him, he was about 4-5 years old. The mother saw the blood trickle on to her clothing, a tear ran down the side of her cheek. Even Conker, was unable to keep a tear form escaping his eye. The Tediz continued to attack the squirrels, the mother of the child was his next victim, "That Bastard!" Cried Acorn, "I can't believe he's taking pleasure in doing this! I've got to stop him!" Conker turned around to face Acorn "Are you crazy!" He snapped, "Do you think we'd stand a chance against the Tediz if they set of an alarm. I don't like it anymore then you do, but we're the only ones that could stop this from happening, if we die, this sort of thing will carry on forever!" Acorn realised that no matter how cruel the Tediz were, he would have to listen to Conker if he were to succeed, and the room was heavily monitored, with surveillance cameras scanning the room. Conker and Acorn watched horrified, as one by one, the squirrels were assassinated. The Warden, quite Content with what he had just done, went back into the room he had come from. Conker and acorn waited for the cameras to turn, then ran into the room where the warden...  
Conker entered a corridor he withdrew his guns, he saw the warden and dispatched him effortlessly. He continued down the corridor, they came across a laser field, hundreds of laser tripwires were spread across the path. "Oh No!" Conker groaned, "hey wait! Conker! We could just crawl under these!" Conker smiled, "oh yeah... I see!" They crawled under the tripwire and got up. "Well it hasn't been that bad so far !" Sighed Conker But unfortunately, HE was surprised by two Tediz and killed, the Tediz pulled their bayonets out of Conker's stomach, "We have destroyed the one called Conker!" Acorn was really pissed at this and got his flame-thrower out. "Do you smell something burning? Heh heh heh! All of the of the Tediz were fried, Acorn had won the battle, he looked at Conkers corpse, a tear escaped his eye...  
  
  
Yes folks, the main character has died! Bwahaha! But I've got a feeling this is not the last we've heard from Conker!   



	9. The grim reapers gift

Chapter 9: The Grim Reaper's Gift  
  
Conker was dead, there was nothing Acorn could do. He would have to be the bearer of bad news to the sergeant. The military's greatest soldier ever, had just been killed, by an ambush, Acorn had quickly assured himself that he would kill the Tediz that destroyed Conker.  
Meanwhile (Oh yes, there's more of them) Conker was impatiently waiting for Greg, as without him he couldn't return to fight the Tediz, he always had a fine selection of Tails, just in case this moment would arise. "Well... Well, look who's back!" sneered Greg, clutching his scythe. Greg checked on Conker's profile; "C...CO... Aha! Conker! Conker the Chipmunk, no, Conker the squirrel! Ha! Found you, you little prick! What"? forty five bloody lives!? That Can't be right!?" Conker smiled to himself. He gathered a stack just in case this day would come. "OK Now can I get out?" Greg snapped, "What!? Do you think I like having squirrels around!? Right! That's it sod off! You little prick!" Just as he said that, a familiar looking skeleton hand grabbed Conker and dropped him off next to Acorn.  
"Conker! Your OK!" Cheered Rodent, "I knew you hadn't died!" Conker got off the ground and brushed the dust off his arms, "well that's nit exactly true." Acorn Looked puzzled, "what do ya mean Conker?" Conker carried on, "well... you wouldn't understand!" Acorn was about to ask what he was on about, but he decided to catch up to Conker.  
They arrived in a huge room, There were Tediz guarding all the possible exits. Conker swiftly Annihilated the guard in front of him. Two more guards came over. "More Tediz, and I was hoping it would have been easier!" Groaned Conker. The Tediz heads suddenly exploded, Acorn had assumed the sniper position. Conker ran out and shot two of the Tediz, "INTRUDER!" Yelled one of the Tediz, Conker hit a near by Tediz with the end of his gun, knocking it out. He dived out of the way of incoming fire from two Tediz, and responded by holding the trigger of his uzis down. Their heads exploded, and a fountain of green blood and stuffing poured out of them, one fell down two their knees, the other fell off the platform they were standing on and fell on another Tediz, who was knocked out. After hours of battling, Conker finally laid a bullet through the head of a knocked out Tediz.  
Conker took a moment to check his bearings, there was a computer In the centre of the room, and many doors outlining. Acorn checked the computer, "preparing eye scan..."  
"Ah Shit!" Groaned Acorn, "5...4...3...2...1... Analysing user..." Conker grabbed an eye from one of the corpses and hurled it into the computer, it bounced off the computer just as Acorn was being analysed. "Welcome Tediz number 43255677532457876532334643..." As the number was being read out Conker and Acorn couldn't help but think, there must have been a lot these monsters, as the computer seemed to be reading an endless number. After the numbers stopped, Acorn checked the computer screen, "hmm... nothing interesting... I think I'll contact the sergeant!"  
The sergeant was checking on Conker's position, "they should be almost through the first island now, I hope they're OK..." Suddenly a call came through, "We need some sort of pickup general!" Declared Rodent, "we've cleared out the first island!" the Sergeant wiped the sweat of his head, relieved, "we'll be there in 1800 hours!" Acorn checked his watch, "that gives us... 3 minutes!" Acorn turned to Conker, lets get going! We've got 3 minutes before the pickup arrives!" Announced Acorn. Conker and Acorn turned to the doorway, but as they were about to enter, they heard a snarl.   
It was a Tediz, "I thought we got them all!" Yelled Conker, "Wait, this is no ordinary Tediz! It's a robot!" Acorn warned, the Tediz had to red eyes, it's body was covered with fur, with some metallic elements piercing through it's ragged exterior. It had a small rocket launcher in one hand which was aimed at Conker. The Tediz looked at him with an evil glare, and fired a rocket. Conker's eyes widened and jumped out of their sockets, he ducked just in time to see the rocket sail past him, and blast a nearby wall. The wall collapsed, and the Tediz other arm, changed into a chain-saw. The Tediz moved in for the kill, With Conker and Acorn firing rapidly with their weapons. The Tediz walked closer, the bullets bouncing off him. He finally got in range to use his chain-saw, Conker fell backwards, he looked at the blade collapsing on him, he closed his eyes, waiting for the hit...  
Suddenly the blade stopped, Conker opened his eyes, what was originally a ruthless beast, now seemed like a harmless toy. "Low battery..." The Tediz glowing eyes began to dim, eventually nothing was left in the once evil eyes. Everything was silent, The Tediz robot was unable to stand in his position and fell to the floor, his chain-saw arm being positioned next to his leg. "Back up power activating..." The creature burst back into life, as did his chain-saw, ripping one of his legs off. Conker and Acorn sighed, but saw the beast back off towards the computer. "Warning...warning... self destruct in 02:00 minutes (note: this is said as zero, two, zero, zero minutes) Conker looked at the computer, "Not again!" He cried. Conker and Acorn turn and ran for the beach.  
The path was very confusing, and Conker found himself to be leaping over different sets of lasers, presented to him in an absurd pattern, "just like old times." Conker sighed, as he wasted a Tediz that tried to ambush him. It wasn't long before Conker exited the Hell hole.  
Conker looked outside, he had roughly thirty seconds left, and the Tediz had set up a special leaving gift for him. No, not Bazookas, but 5 turrets positioned along a path of barbed wire. Conker made a mad dash for the exit, as did Acorn, but they were stopped by a turret, and forced to take cover in a nearby trench. "Conker!" Yelled Rodent, "We've gotta run this one!" Conker looked at rodent, "are you crazy!?" Shouted Conker, trying to make his voice heard above the rest of the gunfire, "we'd be ripped to shreds!"  
"But it's our only chance at making it out in time!" Conker realised this, and waited for the turret to reload. After the Turret halted fire, Conker jumped out of the trench and ran through the turrets, the sergeant had already arrived, and the base was going to blow up in no more then 15 seconds. Conker leaped onto the boat, followed by Acorn, "Let's get out of here!" He yelled, the sergeant did so, and the base exploded, several Tediz corpses flew into the air, Conker sighed, "We forgot the prisoners..." Acorn looked back at the base, and saw the remainder of the prisoners go with the base.  



End file.
